Whose Timing

Following Tonic Clonic Seizure and CPR

I wasn't sure after the beginning of this nightmare if I was ready- really ready for Heaven as my mind, body, spirit felt- or if it is an amazing trick of the brain. Either way, the second part of the beginning of this nightmare was completely held in Christ's hands. As we're all other parts, but this particular part had no fight with Satan in it.... Even during the fact my body was completely shutting down.

I will never know how to explain this. I am still trying to explain it to family so I can hear myself explain it to me. Most everyone knows my crazy history. Fearless Heather. Epileptic Heather. 3 brain surgery Heather- excited to have them. Extreme body pain Heather from the 3rd brain surgery. Artist Heather. Many hats, many others. But I am one in a million stressed, one in a billion worried Heather, just how my brain is mapped out. But I went into a total uncontrollable freak out session over my brain just totally jumbled. Unable to speak, to explain. 

My brain started to "closing time" around 2pm in our pool with my daughter. Just all of a sudden everything she was saying was so very slow, like she was high. So I was so confused if it was my brain or her. Cause she doesn't do bad things, my brain flips though. Never like this. So I text my husband a million times to get out there to see that ASAP so I could find out. I also text my brother to come out as well. I needed people to study and tell me if somehow Tory was truly a teenager acting up, or if my brain was going down, like I thought. And as I was in the pool.

They came out. Christian came in. Immediately her odd actions stopped, but I looked up to my brother and he was trying to explain to me what I text to him and nothing was making sense, then no one. The this awful worry tone and cry started as I turned to my husband screeching "I have to get out, I have to get out!!!" I crawled out, then all over the patio saying things that made zero sense. I would grab my brothers leg, then aggressively crawl away howling for help. I was up against our wall bawling as my breathe was leaving. My husband and brother held me asking me questions. I couldn't talk. Understood a portion of their words-when they were saying to take you to the ER I freaked our making a loud high pitch noise from my throat while spinning my left hand round and round hoping they'd unsterdand siren for ambulance. They called 911.

I fell into my brothers lap as my husband talked with 911. I thought I was speaking soft, calm, logical words to him. As my body was shutting down my mind, heart, soul knew where I was going. I was at such peace. My brother kept holding tight and so worried. I kept "speaking" to him. Telling him how special he has always been to me, how much he has coming in life yet, my life was complete having him along our ride. I then wanted my baby Tory by me and I explained to her in my jibberish language how my life change the moment I knew about her to come in my life, how strong she made me, how much she had to live for in the way her heart wishes, and I love her always. I felt two tears drop on my right arm from brother-to me it felt like he was confirming he understands, he is with me and Jesus, he will be ok. I was at peace as my heart slowed down and I stopped breathing. I was looking at the beauty of love in family and preparing to enter Heaven when all of a sudden I woke up, heart started. As I opened my eyes to my precious husband giving me mouth to mouth. I was so touch, amazing yet confused and almost saddened my "Home" was not going to be pain, seizure, illness free in Heaven. I was going to have a harder fight.

Right now, still no one has a positive on what caused all of this. No one knows if these convulsions are completely done, or just temporarily calmed from an injection I had to have today.

I've had over 30 convulsions a day and some awful endless post ictal status. Couldn't speak forever. Some seizures would paralyze my legs and arms completely. Alter focus ability. Just wild ride. We are still figuring everything out and praying the hours it stayed away after an injection today, that it has just ended. 

I mostly pray my babies all come out un damaged from all of this. My friends and family just have beautiful hearts, and I know Jesus hears you all to be able to keep afloat.

I know we each have our timing in life from God. So I'll never know if I was supposed to go to Heaven Saturday but human power got in the way. Or if he gave us these brain to know to do things to keep our loved ones as long as we know how thru His guidance until His true time comes. I don't know, but as tragic as it all seems, that early on part still blows me away when I think of it-just amazed me.

Love you Christian, Tory, Troy, Mom, Dad, Steward, Linda, Grams and on and on all family and amazing friends..... Blessed I am.

In His Love,

Heather (Hetty) Siebens

Acts 1:7

He said to them, "It is not for you to know times or seasons that the father has fixed by his own authority."

Ecclesiastes 3:2

A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted.

Job 14:5

You have decided the length of our lives.

You know how many months we will live,

And we are not given a minute longer.

AMAZING DAY..... JUST CAN SAY- PRAISE YOU JESUS!!

I wound up having weird seizures throughout the night. That is always blissful, when they can see the seizure-before you know!! Then come rushing in as if you are about to die!! Perfect time early, early morning!! But any way-is a great way... thru HIM!

They came to talk. I was so blessed because my head was wakened by my nurse who had to give me a morning pill after all the chaos earlier, and check my BP etc before her shift ended. I woke up without a head THROB! Thank you all for your prayers!! Just after I was able to use the bathroom, I was up for the rest of the morning at 7:10-- in time to see my neurosurgeon come in thrilled with all going on.

He had them run that brain stimulation testing--BIG reason for all the depth wires in my brain. And it was to look at language-both reading/comprehending and very much able to read, fluently still. While they shut different parts off more... I had one odd reaction-nothing big... but my mind was all in tact, understanding, and knowing the words etc,,, but a flashing light would go off in my upper peripheral vision. Then one other at the end slowed some concentration... but otherwise ALL IS CLEAR that they are concerned about, to take out!

This has always been uncomfortable first having this first electrode surgery-- as for things in your brain is not normal.. but thru all your kind words, PRAYERS, and love-- I had an awesome day today!! Hardly any pain... to God be the Glory always. He knows the time-HIS TIME. And I sure praise Him.

They always want a couple more seizures for surgery-but they have so many of mine that it is a weird blessing. So few more nights of this wire stuff... then they will be resecting!! AMEN!

Love you all! All of you have been praying since Jan, 2009!!!! WOW--it is finally HERE! AMEN!!! I even got an awesome text message from a dear soul in Canada who somehow found out about me!! WOW!! God works wonders EVERY DAY IN OUR LIVES!! I am so grateful to have found Him and always stick to Him. Not regret any of what I went thru, or go thru-- as for I found Him, clung to Him, and in deep love with Him--watching Him work all different miracles thru every challenge! All worth it every moment. He is God-- God is GOOOOOOD!! AMEN!!

In His Love,

Heather Siebens @AliveinMe @EpilepsyCures
480-717-0609 (cell)
480-342-0511 (my room)
Mayo Hospital
5777 E Mayo Blvd
(RM 5W-11)
Phoenix, AZ 85054

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Always be joyful. Keep on praying. No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

Wires in, on and Brain OUT !! from Hetty Siebens on Vimeo.

Blessings ALL!!

Day 6 - Heather's Journey Continues...

The weekend has arrived, but to Heather the days are beginning to run together. She usually keeps the lights off and the shades pulled to minimize her headache activity. It seems to me that she is beginning to get anxious for the pain to lighten up. Who would blame her! She also is complaining of a few issues that begin to occur when you are in bed and not moving for so long. But she remains strong, positive and motivated to do everything possible to make this surgery as much of a success as possible.
Today she was visited by a number of friends and relatives...When I arrived the room was full of flowers, cards, books, stuffed animals...she is fortunate to have so many people that love her..I know it helps to have people visit to pass the time and provide encouragement..but can cause headaches to increase..but don't be fooled, she is a trooper and would never pass up the opportunity to spend time with all!
Please pray for her as the Dr's begin to remove more of her meds and work to begin their testing...I hate to think of her having seizures, but I know this is a required step..so she is in the hands of Jesus. I know He will watch over her and protect her during these difficult days. Also..please continue to pray for her to be delivered from so much pain. I just got a text from her saying she is throwing up again due to the pain...I feel lost and don't know what to do other than lean on Jesus and all of you..she needs your prayers and we thank Jesus in advance for listening to the prayers you are lifting up on her behalf.
I know tomorrow will be another day of visitors..I hope it does not stress her to much. Please watch the videos Heather has been posting..she loves sharing pictures and music which are meaningful in her life. I know it is her prayer that through her life and the life of our family, others will discover the wonders of a life in Jesus..and even through her pain..she is doing her best to further His kingdom.
I couldn't love her more..or be more proud.


May you all have a blessed Sunday celebrating our Savior!

New Year- New Focus for ALL

It is now a whole New Year-- WOW!! It has been one crazy year for me... but still, very blessed. Back when my ex still had "our" daughter finally visiting him in the summer- this year it was a disaster. He has a new wife that is so controlling and jealous- so eight days I went without hearing back from my daughter-- mind you- who also has epilepsy. But I yes, was aggressive-- and talked directly to him about that. Led him to asking me and my husband (who has raised her) -to have him adopt her. That stress always causes seizures with me. More than I already have. We also decided in February to go forth with my third brain surgery-- to control seizures on perhaps one medication, not six. So we waited on the MEG test- it finally came up in November- in the same state where I had my baby girl- and my ex and his new wife live. So seizures they needed came on easily and quick-- that was an AMAZING test! Helps them see, after you've had brain surgery a couple times- or if it is a first even and it might be close to something important-- where seizures hit- how close to certain areas it shows-- helps map what they can and cannot take out. I then blissfully came back from AL with H1N1--- and was down for about a month. And that led to my B12, iron, and Vitamin D going low again. When I got better-- just in time for my birthday-- I had a great birthday. I also was able to finally go visit my dear friend @jasonmitchener --who had a rare neuromuscular disease and was paralyzed from shoulders down, on a ventilator. Would always visit and be inspired by his amazing stories-- even thru his illness-- while living in this tiny room-- of two, with a curtain. I went up on the 17th, he had passed away late the 16th-- made it thru my birthday he always remembered on the 15th. My heart was wrenched. But I know he is in a Better Place-- with Jesus. 
Now we are still waiting on the surgery date for me-- but I am excited. Gotta get thru the New Year-- and have all neurologists back in offices here, MN, and FL-- for conference. Then we will see what way is the best way. Half awake brain surgery-- or just subdural in many areas again. Mayo is one amazing hospital.
I have been thru all old and brand new medications... looking for any advice or feedback, I can sure help with that... and just know, if brain  surgery isn't an option- there are amazing devices to come, not the VNS or RNS. But more. So keep the faith. New Year is always a New beginning. As is every new day!! Reach for every star you wish to-- you can do it!


Blessings to you all!!


Heather Siebens  @EpilepsyCures and @AliveinMe


http://www.causes.com/epilepsycures
http://epilepsycures.ning.com


Psalm 116:1-2    I love the LORD because He hears and answers my prayers. Because He bends down and listens, I will pray as long as I have breath!!


Happy New Year!!!!!